my little tumbleweed…

When I started to realize who I was in this world. At the not so tender age of twenty three, I began to find myself. Still so fresh and young to those much older than I, but not young enough to have much more room for mistakes. I knew this, I knew I was almost at the age where my mistakes were going to be looked at as stupidity and I was terrified of that. There's no way, I'm ready for this. What the hell am I going to do? Here I am, twenty three, not finished with school, constantly changing my major, living at home, divorced and basically a washed up forty year old. There has to be more to life than this. I took for granted many opportunities and things in my life. I had too much direction, if that can be a thing. Too much direction and too much freedom to sway in whichever direction I wanted to go honestly. My dad calls me his tumbleweed, I find happiness in that. I take it as, free-spirited - I pride myself in that, not being restricted and boring; but, man is it boring not being where you want to be? I wrote this two years ago & here I am two years later, living in Florida, managing my life to the best of my ability & learning to appreciate every obstacle that is thrown my way. I am just happy to be here. Growing & learning how to survive. We often think that happiness is some sort of destination that we've yet to reach, some sort of level we haven't made it to yet. I've come to learn that happiness isn't that at all. Maintaining happiness is waking up & knowing that you may not be where you want right now, but appreciating that you still have time to get there. Persevering through whatever trials may come & appreciating that you've made it through yet another lesson & have grown from that. Growing into the best you possible for your future self & the betterment of you. Becoming self-reliant, self-aware & self-efficient. Letting go of anything & anyone that doesn't make your soul happy. These are the things that will bring you happiness. These are the things that will remind you that happiness is only achieved if you stop & listen to the birds chirp in the morning. When you're not rushing through traffic & you pay attention to the person crossing the street. Making eye contact with strangers & sharing a smile. I am still grasping the balance of everything. I am still very much a tumbleweed, tumbling through life. I will always be that, I will always have the hunger to travel through life & gain more knowledge, to be that free-sprited, wanderlust person who doesn't believe in restraints. I'm just tumbling on this journey, trying to take you all with me. I am still tumbling & I am appreciative, learning & overall, I am happy.